A Bit About Me

Okay so right off the bat, I think there are a few details about me that I should probably share about myself. First off: I’m autistic, pattern recognition is kinda my thing in this case. Next, I’m non-binary (I use he/they pronouns, which is important to this post) and I tend to perform very masculine. I have a beard, I’m rather large, somewhat muscular, I workout quite a bit, I stand around the fire drinking moonshine and sing Creed. I do gender rather masculine-ly. Lastly: I’m asexual, meaning I don’t feel a sexual attraction, at least as a primary attraction. I won’t get into it, but particular romantic and aesthetic attractions mean all of my relationships have been with women (at this point, only cis women, but I wouldn’t definitively say that I’m only attracted to cisgender women, I just have only been in relationships with cisgender women).

I tell you all of this because it is relevant in explaining my claim of existing “alongside” this demographic. All of my personality from the autism, to the asexuality, to the non-binary–ness of my being are all ‘concealable’ traits, meaning I very much look and can act like a neurotypical, cisgender, heterosexual white man who went to college for tech and works at a tech company. This means I can spend quite a bit of time in this particular community without being outed so I have many observations.

The Characteristics I’m Discussing

So in this post I’m going to be talking about a particular demographic of men that I’m referring to as ‘tech bros’ who are those guys who are particularly interested in: technology, startups, startup founders, and self-improvement. These men read books about CEOs, they spend time on Twitter discussing the tech news, they go to the gym, and they talk a lot about sex and women. I don’t have a particular thesis here, I’m not really trying to prove much of a point, I’m just going to be listing off some observations as someone who has spent time in the community, but also has taken classes in philosophy and gender studies in college. Someone who is much more aware of those studies would be able to make concrete conclusions, but that isn’t going to be me. I will simply share hypotheses and observations.

Narcissism

These tech bros are very focused on self-improvement. There’s nothing wrong with that, it’s actually great. The desire to make oneself better is hands down a good thing, and people should always strive to be the best they can be. Here’s the thing: they’re hyper-focused on the self and tend to give no insight into how they fit into the context of the world around them. This is where we get things like white/male privilege, I would imagine. They’re so focused on improving themselves, that they aren’t concerned how they are a detriment to others and how certain characteristics of their being made it easier to accomplish those things.

‘Tech Bro’-ism

So one major theme in this particular ‘-ism’ is a focus on sharing ideas with others in the in-group, or other men. There’s a major focus on male CEOs and male-dominated hobbies including weightlifting.

Misogyny

With this particular group, feminine ideals and women in general aren’t typically welcome. There’s a hyper-focus on powerful ‘alpha males’ in this community. They focus on those men who are powerful in some way either through influence or material wealth.

Homosexual Undertones

I bring this up because much of what they seek from other men is qualities that are found in romantic relationships including mutual respect, the sharing of ideas, cooperation, and acceptance of oneself. Typically these men don’t seek these qualities from women, just other men.

There’s also an over-performance of gender in this case. Many of them will try to show off primary and secondary sex characteristics to other men, and then to society at large. There’s a big focus on “look at how not gay I am” and “look how much I like having sex with women” and generally quite an overcompensation on all of this. This is something that I find rather common in conservative movements: those who own guns constantly live in fear of being attacked or mistreated by their government, for example. Men will buy large trucks because they’re scared of the other large trucks. The best defense is a great offense.

Gender Performance

I’ve touched on it a bit before, but typically these men aren’t performing gender to women, it’s typically performed to other men. They follow weightlifters and finance bros online, they comment and talk with other men, and they share their gains with the other men. The goal doesn’t seem that it’s necessarily about getting female attention, it seems almost entirely focused on attracting the attention of other men.

Misogyny, cont.

With all of the other characteristics of a relationship being fulfilled by other men, these men will typically only seek a sexual relationship out of women. Typically there will be a focus on ‘trad-wife’ lifestyle from the men in this group. Within all of this comes the particular concerns of porn addiction. These men will attribute their inability to attract women to a lack of libido. They claim that seeking sexual release through other means hampers one’s ability to find a ‘real’ relationship. There’s never a consideration that the fact they’re only seeking to put a woman in their place and largely ignore them otherwise might just be part of the problem. There’s also a belief that women should only perform gender to their partner or they will be considered ‘sluts’ or ‘easy’ or ‘asking for it’.

Where This All Comes From: The Loneliness Epidemic

These men feel ostracized and their narcissism is preventing them from understanding why. They don’t understand that there are particular problems with how they treat others. They push down particular feelings, they seek therapy from other patients. It’s an echo chamber of narcissism and closeted emotion.

There’s a group of men at the top of this food chain that seek to profit off these insecurities. They tell these hurting men that it’s not their fault that things are like this, it’s everyone else’s fault and it’s everyone else’s problem. You’re perfect just the way you are. You don’t need to change, just focus on amplifying these characteristics and women will have sex with you. And then they sell merchandise and courses and the like to profit off these insecurities.

Chaotic Attention Seeking

All of this is in pursuit of attention, that’s really what I see. Personalities like Elon Musk, Donald Trump, Mark Zuckerberg, and the like really just want people to pay attention to them. They’re lonely. They seize the attention of platforms and focus all of it on them. This is something I also notice in many startups. People remember Elon Musk, Adam Neumann, and Steve Jobs, but all of these men had partners in their companies. The problem is that only the ones who performed to the other men in the in-group received any attention in the community.

These men don’t care what they say or do, there doesn’t seem to be any kind of moral backing to what they’re saying, no belief system behind it. They will say whatever gets them the most attention. Fighting for rights and environmentalism used to be what would do that. Now it’s fighting against DEI and the many other enemies the Right have identified. Anyone other than the common denominator: them.

Why the Attention?

It’s simply because they’re lonely. Also this attention typically comes with some form of financial gain. Public corporations will go up in value when they say things like “anti-DEI” and “Artificial Intelligence” and “Web 3.0” and “cryptocurrency”. On the startup side of things, it will typically come in the form of investment from other men in the in-group. You’ll get a lot more of these men focused on you. Effectively you get a virtuous (from their viewpoint) cycle where more attention leads to more financial gain, which raises their status in the in-group, which boosts their ego, which leads them to perform this gender harder, which leads to more attention, and so on.

Closing Thoughts

To me, a lot of these tech bros sound like narcissistic, sex-obsessed individuals who care nothing about others. They are only interested in bettering their own positions, no matter the cost to others. They seek out the affirmation and attention of other men and then recoil at any suggestion of homosexuality. They marginalize women and they ignore anyone who doesn’t fit in their in-group. So that’s really all I have to say about that. If you have any questions, comments, or concerns, reach out to me on Mastodon, Threads, Bluesky, or email.